#I like the sedated feeling. I know a lot of people hate mood-altering meds becuase they don't feel like themselves
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#tag talk#you ever genuinely have a dreamthat 's sdreally meaningful? I really never have those but last night? damn#I think my main takeaway is that I say no to immediate experiences and try and delay them until they're perfect#try to say “hold up I have a better way to do this” and then I miss out ojn the experience entirely.#also I'm definitely into guys. idk if I still count as gay but I'm gonna keep calling myself gay until I no longer feel at all like a man.#but yeah. I do in fact like guys and I have to figure out what I do with the girlfriend I currently have.#also we started a new med and slept for fourteen hours the first time we took it and I woke up completely fresh and feeling incredible#and I feel really grounded and pensive and thoughtful now and I like it.#I like the sedated feeling. I know a lot of people hate mood-altering meds becuase they don't feel like themselves#but I really like it. most of my coping skills and habits are just stuff that bring me down to ground level when I'm sky high emotionally#self harm. alcohol. meditation. these things ground me when I'm going a million miles an hour. so if I can get a med that consistently does#then I"m very happy with that. It means I can be slow and quiet and calm and thoughtful instead of hyperactive all the fuckiang time.#but it's still the first week so we'll see if it holds true long-term or if it's more a medication shock thing.
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